Sunday, March 16

As a mom...

I have to share some of my thoughts lately. They are random as usual. But yet somehow you all seem to relate and I enjoy that. :)

1. At any moment I could cry. It has blindsided me several times.
Watch a commercial:
get choked up; Watch a rerun of a super cool moment in sports history: misty eyed; Someone who is less fortunate is on Ellen and she gives them something SO awesome and they are so surprised and thankful: a river on my face; Hear a crowd cheer loudly for someone: water works; Hear the song Danced with Cinderella (by Steven Curtis Chapman?): a basket case (that one more so cause we have a little "Cinderella" at our house)...WHAT IS MY DEAL???? This morning in church I was on the verge of tears just thinking about possibly having to move away from this church family and Eric Brown (our preacher) when Daniel graduates. All these tears are not a sadness-based reaction (like this is a bad time in my life) but more I think I am just a mushy sleep deprived mom now (emotionally and physically...the mushy part). And there ain't no hidin' it. I can remember my mom crying (not often though) and me not being able to fathom why she would be crying! I am that person now.

2. I hear things. This has exaggerated since I had Isaac. When he was a newborn, I would lay in my bed and think I heard him crying hard. Now, remember he slept about 15 ft from me in our hallway through a hollow door that has about 2 inches of space between the bottom of the door and the nasty carpet. I was not hearing him! In reality I could hear the boys' diaper crinkle when he kicked his legs...so NO I was not hearing his loud cry. But I am telling you it was so real I would get up and check! :)
It gets worse...when I am blow drying my hair, vacuuming, in the shower, the dishwasher is on or I am listening to my iPod...I hear things. I am just sure I hear Daisy calling me, a knock at the door or mostly the phone ringing. I turn my hair dryer off like 3 times in the 7-10 mins it takes to dry my hair. When I run with my iPod, I think a car is behind me all the time. I look back all the time. Like in my mind there is a car following me as I jog! I guess I just don't wanna miss out or be in someones way! HA! HILARIOUS...or crazy.
Here is what is craziest
...when it's quiet I think I hear my cell phone ring. I "hear" it and freeze whatever I am doing to turn an ear toward it. I also think I hear it a lot when it's on vibrate...that I hear the vibrate noise. HA. Several times I have had to change my ring so I would stop thinking I heard it.
And while we are on hearing crazy stuff
...are you all familiar with the sound an alarm clock makes BEFORE the alarm actually goes off? It's subtle almost like the oven when it's reached its temperature...but less obvious. I used to turn off my radio alarm in the am before the dj had completed a word due to this small noise. Anyone relate?

3. I am contemplating a big change in our lives for the sake of my children (and us). Daniel and I have recently realized with a 3 year old that she is a constant tape recorder of all her senses take in. And we feel like someone said, "YOU'RE ON!" and Daniel and I have been shoved out on the stage of Parenthood in the spotlight not ready at all! We have no show planned...heck, half the time we don't know what we are doing. We start tag team tap dancing hoping the crowd (Daisy...and sort of Isaac) is buying it! We make it up as we go along! ("Daisy, I mean it! Now go to time out."....she cries, I turn the corner and see Dan and whisper, "That seemed like the right thing to do, was it? Was I too harsh? too easy?"). Turns out my parents were the same way...would have never known! But now seeing my little girl soak up everything her little eyes see and her little ears hear...I am freaking out.

We gotta get a plan. We have to protect this little one as much as we can, while we can. I know we can't forever...but at least for a while! Part of me wants to move our family to a deserted island shelter them forever or shove her in a bubble. But that's not the way to do it. I want my children to know God. I want them to see HIM and recognize the lies of Satan in this world. There are SO many ways we are fed lies that seems to be reality. I want Daisy to be aware of all of them! :)

I was thinking about what I can control and what I cannot. And one thing keeps coming up. MEDIA...mostly TV. It is a really tough one for me. And I am thinking about doing something just NUTS with the TV. Not sure I can totally toss it...I mean Alabama football, hello! But I mean I think really we could all benefit from the lack of it. (The writers strike has helped...but it's over now.) The shows that she watches now are not harmful to her...actually educational. But the messages sent by the world are so undercover that I think even we, as adults, are fooled. And without knowing it we slip into measuring ourselves to the standard of the world and not of God. I think it can be an escape, an waste of time and even if it's not a terrible show it's certainly (usually) not something that leads us toward God. PLEASE know I am kinda addicted and this is a thought that has taken me a while to arrive at...even just to entertain the thought. "Hello, I'm Melanie and I am a TV addict." "Hiiii Melllanieee." :) I am not saying I am doing this yet. I just wanted some feedback.

4. I can't remember if I posted this or not...but this site is hilarious. www.inthemotherhood.com
It's SO funny.


15 comments:

TDavis said...

OK, we have the same brain. I too hear things all the time. Usually the phone ringing in the shower. I always get out to check and soak the floor. Drives me nuts.

On the t.v. thing...I've also been really wanting to do something about the t.v. but honestly I'm so addicted to just having the noise. Clayton loves Mickey Mouse and I'm sure he's learning some things from it but does he know as many bible songs or things about Jesus as he does songs from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? If I'm being honest, the answer is no. That's sad!!! So what to do? I think I should at least limit him to one show a day or something. I feel like I've created a monster already and am scared of the resistance I'll get from him if I make such a drastic change. Did I just type that? I'm scared of being in charge? Hello reality check!

Michael and Hannah said...

I love your randomness... it resonates so much with us moms of tots! Okay, so I've had this random idea/request/wish in my head for months, and nowhere to share it, so I'm gonna throw it out there here where randomness seems to be appreciated (and it kinda relates to point #1 on your list). I want someone to write a book entitled, "Where's the Holy Spirit When I'm Hormonal?" I'm so totally serious here... anyone out there with insight, writing ability and Godly counsel, please get crack'n! I've been SO aware this go 'round (baby #2) of how much at times HORMONES can control my mood, my attitude, my appreciation of life and my children, my priorities, my focus, and especially my fruits of the Spirit! I realize I can override the hormones as far as my actions, but I honestly feel helpless to defeat them when it comes to my moods, emotions, etc. So if the Holy Spirit living inside me is supposed to guide my thoughts and give me the power to think Godly and not worldly, why do all these hormones keep mess'n with my head?! I feel like I can't figure out what makes me "me" anymore. Okay, kinda heavy for a blog comment. We just live similar lives, me and you! I'm afraid if I threw this out on my blog, my senior citizen fan base in search of cute kiddie photos would wig out!

Robyn said...

Hi! I worked with Daniel at camp and discovered your blog through Rachel's--I love your observations. It's funny, but very true. What you wrote about hearing things and all that is just what happens when you have kids. It just totally changes everything. And about protecting your kids as long as you can, even at such a young age, it's true that they are targets, sometimes in such insidious ways. But I see other families with kids older than ours growing in their faith as a family, and I am encouraged. I love Sally Clarkson's Ministry of Motherhood and Mission of Motherhood, and Jill Savage's Professionalizing Motherhood--all written to help and encourage Christian moms. Anyway, I mainly just wanted to say hi! Y'all have a beautiful family!

khovater said...

when I was in college and still using an alarm clock I turned the radio all the way down so I couldn't hear the music and actually used the noise that you spoke of to wake up. I still can't believe that really worked.

Anonymous said...

Mel~
And I thought hearing things was a sign of my old age - I'm glad to know I'm normal.
As for putting your children in a bubble, I must say I feel a twisted sense of affirmation to hear you feel the need to do such things ~ it was a constant source of stress for your Daddy and Me as we raised the 3 of you. But never forget that God will end the world when it is impossible to raise godly children! You and Daniel are WAY ahead of the curve simply because you both care so deeply about your children and their Heavenly Father. And I have full confidence that our grandbabies will grow to be terrific, God loving adults ~ thanks to their parents. Stay the course and feel the "Network" behind you~

Much love, "Jeeg"

The Shirley's said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PaPa said...

Knowing that you are not one to cry easily, this all takes you by surprise. There are many good reasons why my favorite oldest daughter may cry. She is still adjusting to two children (which you are doing great). She is leaving Camp Tanglewood (I know Dan will have to drag her from that nasty apartment) and her friends. She is entering a new world. She is dealing with loving, yet disappointed parents because they are not moving closer.

T.V.? Some people do away with their tv. The temptation is to veg out in front of the tv and watch whatever is on or use the tv as a babysitter. It's like anything else, we have to be intentional in all that we do. Whatever you and Dan decide to do I'm sure it will be with much prayer.

PaPa

Anonymous said...

Mel, I guess it's a mother thing. I can hear things that Brandon cannot. I too hear the little sound the alarm makes before the music comes on. As for the tv, we're not home that much. But we don't let the kids watch things that are not educational for them. They only watch Mickey Mouse, etc. You know what's best. Whatever you decide you know God is behind you, well, acutally he is in front of you guiding you, but behind you also. Does that make sense? I know you are very far away from me and I can't see how you are raising your kids, but I know you and Daniel from when you were in Alabama and I know you are two of the greatest parents. I have faith in you and so does God. Don't worry. Remember "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13. I love you girl. Kristy Cox

Courtney said...

I get the hearing things thing...I hear stuff all the time. I get up in the middle of th night and swear I hear the kids screaming their heads off.

Playing without a script..HECK YEAH! This parenting thing is just a big huge JOKE ...one that we wont get til later when our kids are doing it and then we will laugh HYSTerically! ..just like ours are laughing now!

Adrian said...

Melanie,

You have a blog reader that I bet you would never have guessed you have. I have so much free time at work and blog surfing helps kill it. My favorite thing to do is to start at Courtney's and click on one of her friends and click on one of their friends and continue until I can't find anybody I know.

Anyway, I wanted to comment on this post and let you know how encouraging it is to me that there are others out there who are otherwise fully competent that have no idea what they are doing when it comes to parenting.

Did you ever see that improv show called "Thank God You're Here" where an actor is thrown into a scene they know nothing about? I feel like I'm on that show every day.

I pray every day for God's guidance in raising the boys, 'cause I don't have a clue what I'm doing. And I know that He's helping us because the boys are alive and well, and they still like us. I guess that's about all we can do, pray and seek wise counsel.

Also, on another note, I try to get the alarm turned off BEFORE it gets to the DJ. Sometimes I'm successful.

Blessings,
Adrian

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Burless Family said...

Regarding the TV situation, I have the same thoughts and idea to turn off the tv completely. I know I spend WAY too much time in front of the tube. I'm also hooked and can't quite turn it off completely. I do regulate what K watches (MM Clubhouse in the am and a dvd in the afternoon), but I find even the kids programs can be scary (ie the giant in MM Clubhouse terrifies her). I feel like she has a million toys she doesn't play with. Also I feel guilty when I watch Jon and Kate plus 8 and she is doing crafts with them (all 8!!) and I don't have a creative project to do with just k!!!

sonyagraykey said...

Mel-al-mel,
Of course, I can relate to all your mommy emotions. 1. my crying has gotten much worse this pregnancy. I feel it's only to increase with the next child 2. I do the "hearing things" even in the middle of the night...when it's nothing. (alas, my child does "call me" at least once a night.) 3. You already know our answer to the t.v. thing. Netflix is our friend, but even there I have to monitor the kid's shows. And I do miss pbs for L. And Discovery Health for me. :) But we (B & me) both noticed that when we've gone over to people's houses for ballgames & L. has "watched" some t.v., we end up "explaining" things about even commercials that I would rather him not see. Also, don't even get me started on the materialism that is plastered b't cartoons...kids think they "gotta" have whatever. Or! how terrible is it that (esp. our girls) grow up with media's image of women. We can't take it all away, but less or lack of t.v. helps, (along w. huge doses of discussion), I think. I miss you & love you! You & Dan are super parents!!

Lark said...

Glad you found my blog, now we can commiserate the craziness together on the blogasphere. The alarm noise was the other thing I was trying to remember last night. I hear things like you do and swear that it's one of the kid crying or the phone ringing. And I also hear the little staticy noise before the alarm goes off, BUT I haven't used an alarm in so long. If the kids aren't the one to wake me up my internal body clock wakes me up to say, 'hey they'll be up soon, better get up so you have time to pee before they come in here.'

TNHaus5 said...

Hi melanie I found your blog off of my sister-in-law Sandi Hausteins blog. I am married to John Haustein, David's brother. I just had to comment on hearing things because just this morning while in the shower I could swear I heard our 6 year old daughter (who spent the night with my parents and wasn't home) calling for me. I even turned off the shower because it was so real.
I enjoy reading your blog.

Wendy Haustein