Monday, November 24

My LOVE/HATE with the Dentist

If you think I mean Daniel, you are wrong (although I think that is the case in any marriage). I am talking about going to the dentist. I have always HATED the dentist. (Ha Ha ironic that I married one. I know.) Well, actually it goes back to April 18th, in Jr. High (yes it was that traumatic that I remember the date!) when I had to get a few fillings. (That statement reminds me of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy on SNL. On a background of an outdoor fall scene with turning leaves and a winding road it says "I have a deep phobia of clowns. I think it goes back to the time my family went to the circus ....and a clown killed my father.") They didn't numb me well enough and I felt the drilling on my nerve. IT WAS TERRIBLE. I cried and cried all through it. Since that day I have really not loved the dentist.

So I decided to really give the dental hygiene thing a good ol' college try to avoid having a horrible dental experience again. So I did. And that's where my even DEEPER hate for them surfaced. No matter what I did, or how I cleaned my teeth I always had a cavity (or cavities) when I went to the dentist. It was so frustrating! I mean it's like studying hard for the same test over and over (every 6 months) and failing no matter what. UGH! I would try to psych myself up for when I would feel the scaler stick in a soft spot of my tooth and hear that little "ping!" or when they would say "well, only a couple of spots to have Dr. Blah Blah look at." Don't cry, don't cry I would tell myself. Pitiful, right? Then I really thought (and so did Dan) that things would get better with his involvement in my dental health. I tried it all: mouth rinses, toothpastes, different floss...and still I have issues. (Although he was quite handy when I was 9 months prego and needing a root canal on the weekend...but that's another story for another post!) So stinkin' frustrating.

So to let you all know how bad it is...I think I have at least one filling on each tooth in my mouth except for the the thin, one-cusp ones in the front (top and bottom). Hey, 1/2 ain't bad. And I only have one root canal. And let me tell you...the root canal itself was my favorite part! The pain was so bad I was so happy to be numb. :) I used to tell Dan to just make me a set of dentures so I could just pop those jokers out and not have to deal with the loser teeth I've got. I still may get some, maybe at 40? (I will be the youngest person ever with dentures. Then it's mashed bananas for dessert and off to bed for Mel! That doesn't sound so bad. :) HA...that would really scare the kids! "You better clean your room or Mama will take her teeth out!" Hahahaha!)

Here are the main reasons Daniel, my Orlando dentist and I have come up with as to why my mouth is rotten:

--I had lots of fillings early on in life that were "composite" (tooth-colored) and that don't last as long or wear as well as amalgam (silver fillings). (So I am a little vain...I laugh a lot and didn't want to give every one a metal show when I did!) These fillings are now falling apart and the cavities are forming in the lines where the filling stuff meets the tooth.

--I have been birthing children. Apparently those little bundles of joy suck the calcium and whatever else you got right outta ya during pregnancy! Selfish little babies. I think I will go spank my kids right now. ;) just kidding.

--Genetically, I don't have a lot of help. My parents have lots of fillings too. Thanks a lot Mom and Dad, for loading my mouth up with Streptococcus Mutans (cavity-causing bug) every time you kissed me. J/K!

What can I do except realize it would be worse if I didn't go to the dentist at all.

All this has surfaced because I had to go to the dentist on Monday for my second appointment for few of my many fillings. I had to hire a babysitter (another kick in the pants...I have to pay a sitter...NOT for a fun night out...but for the dentist!). But here is where I confess my LOVE for the dentist...I LOVE THE NITROUS OXIDE/laughing gas. Have you ever had it? Whoooo-weeee! Man, it's good stuff. It's like a wonderful gift for having to go thru getting drilled on. So as much as I didn't want to go, I was anxious to hurry and get there! I get to lay in a chair, not hearing a kid scream "MAMA!" and get some "feel good gas." AWESOME. If you have never experienced it, I suggest you stop brushing to be able to partake. :) Just, I'm seriously joking...but really... :) Having never been one to experiment with "substances" this is as close as I have gotten. So for those "users" out may not find the pleasure I did in it. Keep brushing. :) But the best way I can describe the feeling I get is like a heavy, warm blanket being placed on me while I lay in the chair. I feel like I am sinking in to the chair. After one sniff (it's in a mask they place on your nose) I don't care what they do to me as long as they don't take the gas off. Kinda scary, huh?! :) I mean while they were working on me Monday I was having crazy thoughts like, "Man, when my kids get older and go to school, I may want to work in this office. It is so sunny in here. Dr. C is so nice. The ladies seem to all get along. And it's such a cozy office. I am sure they could train an RN to be an assistant. I think I would really enjoy it." HA! Was this my crazy subconscious trying to work where I could get a hit of this stuff every day at lunch? So funny. I have had the gas many times in the past. And usually I think of Scooby Doo while on the gas. Odd I know. One time, I guess it was at a higher dose and I thought I heard the staff all talking funny. Later I could remember what they said (the dentist was training a new assistant) and could hear it at the time...but didn't care! So funny.

Of course after the gas is's just me. Ticked off, kinda sore and numb. I feel like I have Angelina Jolie lips but only on half my face. This past time I was numb on my upper left and lower right (even a little of my ear!). I guess it feels worse than it looks. But as I ran errands after my appointment (taking advantage of the sitter!) I felt like a total nerd smiling back at people. "Oh, that poor girl," they thought, "she has a facial paralysis." I shoulda worn a can for donations around my neck. :)

And because I hate to blog without I am Monday post appt. Here is my crooked smile for your enjoyment. :)

The above pic looks like I could be a card character on the elimination game "Guess Who."
Look at this wonky kiss! Ha!


Anonymous said...

Nitrous oxide totally rocks!!!! I use that wonderful gas every dental visit, cleanings too. I love that first whiff...........its like......."wow, I remember that smell, I love that smell". Seconds later you are floating, yet sinking into the chair at the same time. I never want it taken off, and wish I could just lay there forever. Hard to remember any of the "answers to the universe" I have while on it, although I wish I had a tank in my bedroom :) it does have that effect on me a Do you use a scented mask? Any funny experiences/thoughts while on it?

Brittany said...

Do you know that I have NEVER had a cavity, but I might need to get one so I can experiance that Nitrous Oxide. Sounds like fun! :) I love the wonkie smile...priceless!

torinem said...

Too funny! And I am so glad to hear I am not the only person in the world who's husband feels the need to take an active role in their oral health! I have pretty healthy teeth, but I still get constant lectures about the flossing and the brushing and coffee stains your teeth and blah blah blah...though, if that nitrous is as good as you say, maybe I will stop brushing all together :)

Jeff and Beth said...


ashley's blog

Brittany said... i guess karma came and bit me you know where. I told you that I have never had a cavity and just today I have a horrible tooth ache and I think I might have a cavity!!!!!! Can you believe that...I spoke to soon!!! your probably thinking...hehe serves you right! :)

karen cavender said...

Hey Dan and Mel!! I absolutely LOVE reading your blog! Got it from are hilarious! I can just hear your voice as I read it. You write just like you talk! I really love seeing your kids and hearing all about your everyday life now! Great pictures!! Sure miss you guys in B'ham but I'm really glad you are loving life where you are! Hugs to you all!!

Michael and Hannah said...

I need to change dentists... they never give me the good stuff!